A friend of mine [let’s call him Bob] is currently seeing a girl. Every time I speak to Bob, he never has anything positive to say about his relationship. He’s frustrated, she’s frustrated, and they’ve basically become roommates instead of a live-in couple. They broke up for a short period of time and then recently got back together but nothing had changed.
When I asked Bob why they were still together if they were both unhappy, his response was “We’re used to each other. I’d rather be miserable with her than try with someone else and find out I don’t like them either.”
Bobby. Best friend. I love you. But that’s a no-no.
Familiarity and comfort zones will kill any chance for growth and will stop better relationships from forming. Think about it. Your soul mate is out there, looking for exactly the person you are, and you’re wasting time with a person who is some one else’s soulmate, who in turn is wasting their time with you while their soul mate is out there looking for exactly the person they are. [catches breath]
It’s just an unnecessary cycle of unhappy people making other people unhappy. Don’t hold on to a dead relationship to avoid being single. It doesn’t need to end badly but it absolutely needs to end.
Understand that toxic relationships are not exclusive to ones in which abuse or infidelity is involved.
A relationship where both parties are unhappy is unhealthy. Passive aggressive comments, eating in your car instead of upstairs in your apartment just to have a moment of peace [I’m looking at you Bob], and overall discontent with your significant other soaks up a lot of your energy. Energy that could be put into other endeavors and other people.
Being an adult is already difficult enough without having to expend a great deal of time, attention, and effort to a dead-end relationship.
You’re tired. You’ve had a long day at work. All you want to do is come home and relax, maybe have a good cry [don’t act like you haven’t done it], and go to sleep. Only now, you know the second you come home, you need to first tend to this person that you’re not even that fond of. There goes your stress free evening plans. All for the sake of not being single? You’re literally taking years off your life [insert charts and data to support this outlandish statement].
As the age-old saying goes: I can do bad all by myself [playa pleathe].
Get out. Now. While you still have a chance. Sit this person down and point out the facts.
“This isn’t going anywhere.”
“Your feet smell and you have a bad attitude.”
“Stop crying. You know you don’t really love me anyway. You just need someone to pay half the rent.”
You’re gaining nothing from a relationship with no future [except maybe cheaper living expenses]. Relationships have their ups and downs but know when it’s down and not getting back up. Make a clean break [or a messy one if that’s what it takes to get the job done.] and say hello to your new freedom.
Then proceed to read my previous posts to get you through the process